I have many regrets in my life, and have made many mistakes but the best decision I ever made was marrying this man. He has always been my rock, my soft place to fall... and never before have I been more thankful to have this man in my life than right now. It is when life throws the really big punches that we come to see and know the importance of the people we choose to have in our lives. And, when I look at this man today, I know that I am indeed very blessed. He will always be by my side, no matter what. I love him with all of my heart and he has made my life better, more fulfilled and takes such good care of me each and every day. I know this is rare, and I am holding on tight!
My husband and I met in college and this summer we will be celebrating 25 years of marriage together. As with all things in life, it has not always been an easy journey. We have endured many hardships, trials and struggles... but, we have overcome them all and continue to move forward hand in hand. You know that expression we've all come to know: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!" Yes, we are quite familiar with that expression. But, it is true. When you stay together and stick out the hard times... no matter how bad they are... each mountain you climb makes you stronger, more grateful and you gain endurance that will help you defeat the next mountain that comes along. It also helps you to appreciate those moments of peace and tranquility that you get in between.
My husband and I have climbed many mountains together, and we are still climbing. When I was first diagnosed with MBC this past June, we were crushed and devastated. Life for us came to a complete halt. In a way, I thought my life was over. How can you look towards a future that will not only be a continuous struggle, but will also be physically limiting, bleak and unpredictable? It's been very difficult facing my spouse each day knowing that as hard as this struggle will be for me, he has the difficult job of being the caregiver through it all. It is one of the hardest things to accept about my diagnosis. No matter what I do, my family will be suffering with me... and most particularly my life partner.
It's funny because we've always talked about death like it's something far, far away. We've always known that there will come a time when one of us will have to say goodbye to the other. But, it's different now that it is real. Moving on from this has been near impossible to accept. But, it is because of this man I'm married too that I have been able to find my way out of that dark place I was in and make my way back to the light. His commitment, his patience, his loyal nature and his determination to make sure I enjoy each and every moment we have left together has been the fuel I needed to find a way to continue to find joy and happiness each day I am able.
This past weekend we took advantage of an opportunity to have a little time away as a couple. It was the first time we have been able to do anything like this since my diagnosis. And, what an eye opening experience! Doing this little trip helped me remember that despite all that I am going through, we are still a couple, we are still living, and we need to be doing everything we can to enjoy being a couple again and we need to continue doing the things we've always loved doing together.
As we wandered the streets of downtown Ft. Worth, we came across this nice little fondue restaurant. A LONG time ago when we first met, one of our very first dates was to a fondue restaurant... and every now and then we go to one, even to this day. We enjoy the relaxing, cozy atmosphere and it's nice to be forced to take our time with our meal. It is the type of dinner that allows you to sit and enjoy each others company without being rushed. So, we had to take advantage of this opportunity to try out this new fondue excursion that just happened to fall into our path. It was an exquisite evening... :)
The wine was divine!
The food was delicious... each and every course!
Starting with the yummy spinach salad..
Then the appetizer... cheese fondue...
The main course...
And the dessert... Raspberry chocolate... was absolute heaven on a plate! :)
We enjoyed ourselves immensely, taking our time to eat and just be together. It was so nice to have this celebratory moment. And, I think I treasure these moments so much more now because I know there will come a time when they will be hard to come by.
Here is our new resolution.... every 3 months I get a scan to check the status of my cancer. So, from now on with every clear scan we will plan a couples outing to celebrate. This will give us something to look forward too with each scan. Instead of focusing on the cancer, we will focus on each other.
What will we do when one day we get the not so good scan?? I don't know... I guess we'll just put on our hiking boots and continue to climb the mountain until the storm settles again. And when that happens we'll rest easy and be thankful until the next one arrives. We will take this one day and one scan at a time.
I hope that all of my friends have a wonderful Thanksgiving week. I hope all of you try to remember going into the start of another crazy, busy holiday season the things that are truly most important. For me it is the presence of family, friends and the people in my life I am lucky to have by my side. There is no gift better than that!